Alan Good

Alan Good is a writer and an editor at Malarkey Books. His books are Barn Again: A Memoir, which is really a novel, and The War on Xmas.

Snake Stories

Reading Time: 4 minutes Someone, I think it was once of my uncles, once told me they had caught a black snake and thrown it in the washing machine and it was so strong it kept pushing the lid open no matter how hard they tried to keep it shut. Pretty sure it was when my mom and I Read more



Reading Time: 2 minutes I don’t know exactly how it started but for several years we all thought my aunt loved cows. She and my uncle own cows, so it made some sense. At the time my uncle made a living by jumping off a running horse and wrestling them to the ground. More specifically, he wrestled steers, which Read more


In the Penile Colony

Reading Time: 14 minutes Originally published in Word Riot (August 2015) If we had lived in a godless, socialist country like Finland we would have been fine, but here in the land of Family Values our marriage could not survive paying for preschool. We were not like the Patagonias, who toured the school with us in their matching down Read more



Reading Time: 10 minutes This is an excerpt from an in-progress, yet sort of stalled, novel that doesn’t really have a good title yet. I smelled like a coprophiliac, except a coprophiliac would have made more efforts at hygiene than I’d done. I had a week’s worth of grime and sweat on me, hadn’t tried to bathe except to Read more


Fireworks at Midnight

Reading Time: 5 minutes Mark was always a deep sleeper, slept through many tornado sirens as a kid in Kansas, but as soon as he became a parent he would awaken at the slightest sound, a useful skill when you’re living in an imploding civilization. The question now was what could his kids sleep through.  The man in front Read more